Only an Australian can pull this off...

Facebook status steal...

My supervisor's name Thanks for all the birthday wishes everybody. I had a lovely time celebrating at Monash Open Day.... I am sure all the balloons there were meant for me....·

Dextral... Sinistral?

Hi, this was me when I was 17 and cute

*smile*

Then, my face was split into two, and each side regenerated to produce identical halves, so that there were two of me.

Meet the Right side of me. So cute right? Mr. Dextral.

Now meet my left side, Mr. Sinistral.

>_<

Man, even I think it looks ugly/evil. It's really no wonder that ancient people of so many cultures always condemn left-handedness, sometimes seen as evil. I can relate. Sinister.

Together, these two guys, make me

*smile*

Frog Sperm Intermission

This made me laugh as I searched online for useful mountain information (it was in a mountaineer's blog). As promised long ago, I shall finish up my Mulu series posts.

Intermission

As I am currently busy marking Chemistry reports, very busy, the Mulu series shall have to wait a few days. In the meantime, I'll share some 'fail' pictures I stumbled upon in Photobucket.

Gotta love that tennis ball dog. hahaha

I am a bad person

Who said whites can't do kungfu films huh?

(someone's lookin rather retarded there, hehe)

That's all for now,

ta, folks.

A bizzare first day.. (17/12)

would barely describe my first day, which was exceedingly illustrious. Here's a list of things I had to do:

1. Arrive early and wait outside the office with other staff since someone forgot the office key.
2. Go shopping with a few colleagues for party packs for....
3. my department Head's surprise farewell party after work.
4. Free kajang satay (from KESAS) for lunch since the Aussie department counterpart head was here and the Head wanted them to try them..
5. Head into the department deputy head's office to hide the party stuff because the department Head was lurking unsuspiciously out of her room.
6. Sneak that stuff up with 2 girls to decorate the Staff activity room..
7. Blow balloons -_- & tie em up in bunches
8. Take group photos with a whole office I just met
9. Write a farewell message to the department Head I just met -_-
10. Play snooker for free in that activity room!
11. Free dinner, obviously from the event (which tasted pretty good)
12. Work OT
13. Received my Free shirt which is to be worn on my second day of work, Saturday - OPEN DAY (what the heck, I've barely grasped anything from today).
14. Board meeting which made me fall asleep (caught by colleague)

Whaddaya think, eventful?

Colleague Quotes
"Wah, your first day's very happening, kesian you. I've worked here so long and everyday's so boring. Too bad you enter during peak time when everyone's too busy to teach you"

"Banyak yang berlaku hari ini, hari awak masuk. Ini tanda tuah!"

"Wah, why your first day like that one?"

.. and of course, the usuals..

"Are you local?"

Me: Yeah, I am. Chinese too!

she replies.. "So, is your mom or dad mixed?"

Me: All Chinese, Chinese as far as I know, nothing mixed!

"I thought you're from Sabah or Sarawak or something..."

Meh -_-

Friendly Fiendly Conversations

An sms conversation I had with a friend fiend, whose identity I shall protect for obvious reasons. I must concede though, if you are well-informed of my current agenda, you will have no trouble guessing the identity of this friend fiend.

Fiend: Dude, I think I caught your bug. Got headache and watery diarrhoea since last night.

Me: Can be food poisoning, checked with my family, apparently I'm not alone there. Bloated stomach and lost of appetite? Hehe, lasted 4 days for me.

Fiend: I'm guessing it's the same kua.. Shit! I got field work tomorrow and lecture on tues! Kns. Hope d watery shit will stop soon...

Me: Mine wasn't pain, just that shitting lost its appeal for a few days. Felt like pissin through the wrong hole, not ridiculously frequent too. Get well soon =D

Fiend: Right. Shittin frequency has gone down and got no pain except for d headache which I think is related to my sinus. For so I shall bugger u 2ml. Thx.

Me: It's food poisoning, come on, we're all victims of our mischoice of food, let's be merry and show love to each other instead.

Fiend: Yup. Show love 2 u by rippin ur arse wit a penis sword!!

Me: Right. Don't blame me if my arse decides to unleash watery brown diarrhoea on your sorry sword then.

Fiend: Tell it 2 d gorilla.

Me: I did.

You unclean fiend.

*Spelling and punctuations have been edited to allow easier reading.

Alright, back to work for me. Identifying invertebrates.

This Saturday

Dorin: So what're you guys going to do for Saturday?
Me: hmmm? I dunno? any plans?
Dorin: You're graduating what, what do you wanna do?
Me: Oh right!

Lynn: hehe, it's okay, I'll see you this Saturday anyway.
Me: Hmmmm? What's on Saturday?
Lynn: Dude, we're graduating!
Me: OH! I forgot!

Suet: Any plans for Saturday yet?
Me: *thinks hard... why the sudden question*
Suet: After graduation ceremony?
Me: Oh! Not yet =D

Shim: Excited, excited, Saturday's coming! (not just once)
Me: *thinks hard if he's meeting his sister/dad or going out somewhere on Saturday* Are you going somewhere?
Shim: -_- Dude, it's your graduation!

"I feel stupid, but I know it won't last for long,
I've been guessing, but I could've been guessing wrong"

Yup, 9 months after completing the deed, it's finally coming..... No, Not the baby you morons, my graduation =p

... Bachelor of Science (Biotechnology)

*yawns*

"You're the world's unluckiest person"

.. Tajang's words echo in my head throughout the entire night. It was one of those nights where everything that could go against you, will go against you.

It was a fine day until I decided to have dinner with the lab people in Section 14 and hence, waited for lady Shen to come to campus before we set out. I missed lunch and was fungry starving by 7 pm. Unfortunately, there were problems with her car and we only left campus at about 8 pm. Ouch. Then comes the traffic jam in SS2. Followed by the restaurant we dined at.

3 of us reached first and ordered earlier, followed by the next 3 of us, including me. Everyone got their food except me. I ordered the same thing as two of them who arrived earlier and yet somehow, after multiple reminders to the waiters/waitresses/manager, they give me the nod/concerned face before bustling away and never returning with my food. All I got was my cendol (which wasn't bad). This place was Piccadilly, in Millenium Square, Section 14. After an hour of waiting, I've had enough (and so did everyone else, food-wise, I mean) and decided to leave after checking, even if the damned food did arrive with the freakin bill - No, I wasn't gonna pay for it nor eat that shit. To be fair, it's a nice place and no one complained of their food (in fact, they probably just felt like it'd be adding insult to injury if they complimented it while I was so disgruntled) and my order probably just was one of those that got mixed up with another table. But, heck, doesn't make me feel much better about it.

So, that's part 1. And then I thought, okay lemme go grab some fast food - McD's. The first chain I reached in SS15 was packed to the brim with loads of people queueing, a long, slow drive-thru queue and almost no parking. So we left and went for the branch facing Inti college and behold, I was finally served a Big Mac with fries and drink, serviettes even, in good time. Times like this makes you appreciate your fast food chains much more than usual. It's almost like God's giving me signs telling me to diet. Nah ah. hahaha

Because of all those delays, I left my bag and laptop in the lab and decided to not go through the hassle of liaising with the guards to permit me entry to retrieve them from the lab since by the time I dropped my girls home it's already past 12 am. And then... Well, least we've got a weekend planned, stocked up on DVDs =p

*hearts*

Some 'Gross-you-out' Videos

Before I burst out talking about my shopping haul like a giggly school girl again, I'll give you guys some visual stuff. AudioVisual, actually.

Malaysian Idol Audition: Dude trying to do "Billy Jean" by Michael Jackson, gosh.


Korean dude doing Mariah Carey's Tuts ma barreh "Touch My Body"


More of the dude, plenty on youtube. Beyonce's (urgh) "Listen"

Verbal Abuse? What Say You?

Hi, I'm bored and thought it'd be fun to spice things up. Not that this is really fun. Anyway, this dude in my lab has been using unpleasant lingo when he talks to me all the time. He constantly says things about raping me, a fellow dude. Let us rearrange his initials to TLY ("Toh Lan Yeah" which literally translates to "A lot of dick stuff" in Cantonese) to give him the slightest of anonymity.

The following is a random 'hello' by TLY moments ago on MSN Messenger.

TLY says:
butt-dude
TLY says:
rape u
TLY says:
gorilla rape u
Me says:
I'll take this lil conversation out for some feedback

*EDIT*
Today's snippet sounds something like...
TLY says:
dude
i found a whip to be used on you
some rope to tie u up as well

Me says:
another conversation for the poll?

TLY says:
up to u man
they can say im gay bt im clearly not
my job is just to make life hell for u

Me says:
hmmmm, alright then
but you're lucky, no one's said you're gay and my clown friends are messing with the poll callin you perfectly normal =p

TLY says:
*monkey clapping hands emoticon*
u lose man
bugger bugger bugger
whip n bugger u

Me says:
lala

TLY says:
i really so need to find a girl

Me says:
hahahaha
just a reminder: Girls have no penises k?
in case you've forgotten

TLY says:
i juz need holes
bugger u for wat ler?
oni interested in ur hole

Me says:
you are disgusting

Vulgar

Check this out


"The 9 Most Devastating Insults from Around the World"

Have a nice day

She's the one..

"When you get to where you wanna go,

And you know the things you wanna know,
You're smiling,
When you said what you wanna say,
And you know the way you wanna play,
You'll be so high you'll be flying"

(Williams, 1999)

I may be single this Valentine's, but I do have a target. A goal, or a dream to achieve. To someday have my hands on her, taking her wherever I go. Or vice-versa. This recent crush of mine... it's more than a crush. She's my guilty little obsession that gets me fantasizing every night before I sleep, during the day when my brain has a few cubic inches to spare and more. Will I ever get over her? I think not. Does she want me as much? Will she someday return my love, allowing me to ride her daily as I now fantasize?

She's not the slimmest nor most slender of girls, but her chubby physique makes her appear rather adorable; complete with her set of mischievous, naughty eyes that almost seduces me with every flick of that brilliant light in her eyes. While I have not met her since the crush has overwhelmed me, I could vividly recall her suggestively intelligent smile, and could picture her flashing me that smile to me, beckoning me to steer her, to lead her to the destinations in life that she was meant to be. Though I haven't ran my hands down her inviting body thus far, her skin is no doubt smooth, clean, blemish-free and glows with a healthy, steely glow that grasps my heart, causing it to pump like I'm in already in a smoldering love affair. Her voluptuous twins upfront captivates me in my endless fantasies; my mind speculating their diameters and texture every time I do. And to add to that, she also boasts what I'm oddly particular about; the posture of her back, which is just the type I like. I wonder if she's shy, if she blushes easily when I whisper lil naughty things into her ears, if her perky lil ears changes colour when she blushes. That'd be adorable indeed =)

Someday when we're together, I may just allow four other dudes to ride her with me, with me enjoying the driver's seat of course. Girls are, of course welcome to ride with us. Maybe we can fit another dude, but he'll have to come in from behind....

"What?"
Audi Sportback Concept: Driving dynamics in a new guise

Happy Valentines!
^_^

Lyrics..?

Funny lyrics noticed during Karaoke with Su Ann, Jin Seon and Jaclyn....

Jordin Sparks' hairy tattoo
Don't look back got a new direction,
I loved you once, needed protection,
(what for I wonder? Su Ann's keen eye spotted this)
You're still a part of everything I do,
You're on my butt just like a bulu
(Justin's take on the song)

Chris Brown's subtle hint on his possible homosexual tendencies in his song 'with you'
I don't need another woman,
I just need your all or nothing,
Cause if I got that I'll be straight (hmm.. hohoho!),
Baby, you're the best part of my day

Expect the Unexpected

Last night, I couldn't get anyone for a lil 'yumcha' session except Su Ann, who initiated it. So, on went just the two of us to friendly ol' rat-ty Jelutong.. NAH AH

Just minutes into having settled into our table, a friendly neighbourhood auntie sat down 2 seats away from me, to my left. After a lil verbal foreplay, the friendly neighbourhood auntie (FNA) suddenly asked in a very polite tone, "Excuse me, but have you two just graduated from form 5?" Okay, nothing new here, we both sniggered and cleared that up, only for the chat to go onto the next familiar line for me "Pardon me boy, but are you Chinese?" Wheee. Cleared that one up too, and she went on and on, though I gotta say it wasn't really a total bore since she's got quite a few... interesting stories. Examples included smashing her husbands computer with a baseball bat when he didn't take her word seriously about moving the computer back to his office when she feared her kid spending too much time on games, breaking her husband's keyboard in half when he stirred her up in her sleep when she had a bad migraine, attending an opera and dining at a posh restaurant in Britain in bermudas and a T-shirt O_o Yeah, I couldn't help myself sniggering for another few minutes after she left till Su Ann had to ask me "What's so funny???"

She's a regular there. How did I know? When I went to take a piss after waiting for a pause for what seemed like an eternity (or two), the staff at the mamak began to laugh at me, sayin "Auntie banyak cakap ah?". Aihhh, I had to agree. Heck even after she left they continued laughing at us. One of the embarrassing parts was she insisted on paying for all our drinks and food. "Thank you, auntie" chanted us both. Nice catching up with Su Ann anyway, it's been a looong, looong time =p

Lyric quirk

One of those random lyric-change moments

Hands
by Jewel

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all ok
And not to worry because worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these
I will not be made useless
I won't be idled with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
for light does the darkness most fear

My dick is small, I know,
but it's not yours it is my own
but it's not yours it is my own
and I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes
but it didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
but i knew it wasn't ever after
We will fight, not out of spite
for someone must stand up for what's right
cause where there's a man who has no voice
there ours shall go singing

In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters

I will get down on my knees and I will pray
I will get down on my knees and I will pray
I will get down on my knees and I will pray

My dick is small, I know,
but it's not yours it is my own
but it's not yours it is my own
and I am never broken

My dick is small, I know,
but it's not yours it is my own
but it's not yours it is my own
and I am never broken

We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's d*ck

Final one censored to avoid crossing the sensitive. Anyway, this only spontaneously came about when Poing, Jin Seon, Jac and I were playing Gin Rummy in another one of those 'we-have-nothing-better-to-do' nights, which ended up with us drinking two bottles of wine with her dad (who, by the way, is a nice wine-loving chap). We got him an average bottle of Penfold's 2005 Cabernet Merlot which I have tasted and approved of before, and he rewarded us =_= with two bottles of hoo ha good stuff. Sileni (NZ 2000?) and another.. I forgot, dang.

Good night world =p

How to thwart the hound

This is entirely random, and I dunno why I just suddenly thought of it (much earlier though, it just resurfaced) and thought it may appeal to you (few) female readers.

Have you ever been disgusted at how males, straight ones at least, react to sex? How they're just enveloped by a maddening rage resembling a vampire's thirst for blood (Sorry, been reading devouring "Twilight") when sex is on their minds? Well, personally I do feel disgusted by myself at times when I feel that (feck, I totally shrank into a peanut when I typed that out). Anyway, here's something I thought up earlier when my mind crossed the topic.

Imagine your horny, expectant boyfriend on a special occasion where he's almost definite to work his eager hands on your frail bra buckle, the one niggling obstacle to his little heavenly valley. Now picture how frustrated he'd be if you somehow tampered with the buckle so it won't EVER give way (of course, use a cheap bra if you think he's probably gonna tear it apart or something, or make him buy u a new, exceedingly luxurious one if he violates it). Owh.. the torment, the burning anguish that would eat him up as he struggle like a fish breathing air. His magnificent (Since it does not always apply, 'magnificence' here does not refer to size) prize, the coveted fleshy twin towers obscured by a thick fog of impenetrable clouds. Watch him whine as his futile efforts begin to frustrate him even further, as you mock expressions of hopelessness, disappointment and boredom. Film the process if you will. Man, that would be one heckuva way to get back at your boyfriend if he ever used "oops, wrong hole!" as an excuse crossed your path XD

Shit, am I even a man to be writing something so pro-female?

Oh, so Nomantic

You're jogging with her in a path that's surrounded by trees and it's getting dark. Only the distant street lamps light the dark path ahead as you decide to get back to your ride to get home. Then something came to mind

"Oh wait, this means we gotta get back to the road where that guy warned us about earlier, keep your eyes opened, alright?"
"Ah, shit I'm bloody scared of snakes *grabs my T-shirt tightly by the sleeve*"
*man, my sleeve gonna be loose and gone by the time we get back*
.
.
*after a few enduring moments*
.
.
"Ahh, what the heck, how about this? *puts arm around her*"
"mmm.. okay, a bit better"
"yikes, you're so wet"
"you also wat"
.
.
*silence*
.
.
"I meant your shirt, damn that didn't come out right"
"yeah, shit I just realized too"
*retarded laughs fill the air as we tread back clumsily*

Everything was right, the atmosphere, the location... except the girl -_- Geez, if only I had the opportunity to substitute the girl with a GOI (girl of interest, adapted from the 'gene of interest' from Dr. Robin's lecture slides). We were both grumbling and whining about how unromantic was or it could've been, or how it could've been worst had the company been more idiotic people who would've craved for an opportunity of such. Ah, my insistence on innocence does not stop my mom from thinking something's up though, how retarded. Till I had to say to her in Cantonese "Ngo mm wui sui bei kui geh" (I will not fall at her hands), to which my mom replied "gong dou gam lan teng, jik see lei lou dao sui jor bei ngo?" (What an ugly way to put it, does that mean your dad fell at my hands?). I nodded, heaving a feigning sigh of distress =D hahaha. My sister adds in "Mom, I don't think so la, they're like sisters only" *damn, what the hell, I'm a dude* and then she went on and added cheekily to me "but then, anything can happen" hinting heavily with double eyebrow-raising.

*oh yes, she out-ran me in jogging, I can't keep up with her stamina, shit*
To save face, I challenged her
.
.
"You beat me here, but I may beat you in bed"
"damn you la, what the heck"
"shit man, what if my bed stamina's worse than my jogging stamina"
"bwahahah, just don't go advertising yourself like that or you'll never get a girlfriend"
"bleahhhh"

Help me~
Okay, go study boy!

Old School Monkey

.. that's what Shen labeled me for my keen sense of smell, for that's what old WORLD (she remembered it as 'old school') monkeys/apes are known for, their keen sense of smell and taste. New World apes such as ourselves are known for our sense of sight and sound. Ah well, I do tend to detect most of the female scents about anyway, not to mention smelly dudes that could be detected from a deceivingly 'safe' distance. Okay, procrastination post over, let this Old School Monkey return to work.

I'm beyond cool

Toilet Poems

This e-mail is probably old news to most of you, but I can't help it, I was a sniggering idiot when I saw it. I can't believe this, but I got this from my MOM! I'll just pick out the few good ones =D

POEMS FOUND IN TOILETS

THE 'FUTURE' IS IN YOUR HAND ,

HOLD IT GENTLY'

A budding poet trying his best...

Here I lie in stinky vapor,

Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,

Shall I lie, or shall I linger,

Or shall I be forced to use my finger?

Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this...

Here I sit, broken hearted

Tried to shit, but only farted

Someone who had a different experience wrote,

You're lucky you had your chance

I tried to fart,

And shit my pants!

Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in toilets.

I came here to shit and stink,

But all I do is sit and think.

There are also people who come in for a different purpose...

Some come here to sit and think,

Some come here to shit and stink,

But I comehere to scratch my balls,

and read the bullshit on the walls....

Ministry of Environment advertisement.

We aim to please!

You aim too! Please!

Lines

Me: But gay marriages are prohibited in Malaysia.
Dude: Oh, so that's why you're migrating right?
Me: You feckin bastard -_-

grrrr...
I'm straight, dammit -_-
hahahaha