Today feels like a really heavy day somehow; a continuation of many days of waking up late and rushing to meet my buddies, hanging out doing nothing much, spending money and eating out, with little time for myself. I think it's a good thing I'm with my family at home tonight to catch up a bit, even if I'm spending my time alone now. Who would've thought so much could happen with a night away from home anyway, the eve of my sister's departure to National Service for 3 months, which was also co-incidently Jac-Jac's birthday. All that drama, with a happy ending of course. I wonder if it's that weighing my mood down or if it's the Monash offer letter for my Honours degree. Yes it's arrived, and I don't see any scholarship offer there at all (which I will continue to pester for when I'm back in campus). Comparing my sister and myself; I've always been the more obedient one, though she's not a bad person either, just lazy and maybe a lil less helpful. Conversely, she's a lot more gifted academically than I am; the straight As student who also does fairly well in extra-curricular stuff, art etc etc. Except for sports, of course; she's hopeless in that.
Why do I ramble so much?
In a way, I feel I don't deserve what I'm getting. I can't even get a straight out scholarship offer without going to the office to try to set things straight; she's probably gonna get a full scholarship for her foundation year (I got only 1k off my fees). She deserves this, and yet my dad almost denied her the chance to study architecture for monetary reasons. He never did go against me and Biotech, though his attempts at leading me away from Pharmacy succeeded when I was 17. While my course IS cheaper & shorter than the one my sister's goin for, I still think I'm having it easy, probably because my parents were grateful I'm quite responsible for my future compared to what my brother showed at my age then. Maybe that's the kinda pressure I've set for my sister; a higher benchmark. I'm not saying it's bad, but to see that she almost slipped the opportunity to study towards her dream job, it's a little scary. Guess I helped instill such ideals like 'study what you like' rather than 'what makes you rich'. Interests over gains. Silly, luxurious thinking that many people cannot afford to live by, for it will milk them dry of funds. Also, I missed my sister's last night at home before her departure to NS to attend Jac's birthday, which pissed my mom off a bit, in hindsight. I have to say though, I think I've been a good enough brother lately to be bringing her everywhere, sorting her college & scholarship applications and choices etc etc plus taking her out + buying her breakfasts/lunches/dinners. So I don't feel so guilty over missing her final day at home, only I feel a bit guilty that I wasn't there to help her out when my dad almost gave her that ultimatum away from her dream job.
Friends are like painkillers; morphine. They make you forget what stress or pain that you really have inside, though it never really vanishes sometimes, just like how painkillers work. It masks and numbs the pain until later on, when the effects of the painkillers wear off, when the party's over, it all comes back down on you, and sometimes you kinda forget where all that stress and weight came from, like how I am now. I feel tired in the head, but of what?
I feel so weighed down by some invisiblebelly weight that just seems to hang in front my chest. Maybe I'm growing boobs. oh wth -_-
I'm going in circles today, sorry
*Jac's birthday write up next
Why do I ramble so much?
In a way, I feel I don't deserve what I'm getting. I can't even get a straight out scholarship offer without going to the office to try to set things straight; she's probably gonna get a full scholarship for her foundation year (I got only 1k off my fees). She deserves this, and yet my dad almost denied her the chance to study architecture for monetary reasons. He never did go against me and Biotech, though his attempts at leading me away from Pharmacy succeeded when I was 17. While my course IS cheaper & shorter than the one my sister's goin for, I still think I'm having it easy, probably because my parents were grateful I'm quite responsible for my future compared to what my brother showed at my age then. Maybe that's the kinda pressure I've set for my sister; a higher benchmark. I'm not saying it's bad, but to see that she almost slipped the opportunity to study towards her dream job, it's a little scary. Guess I helped instill such ideals like 'study what you like' rather than 'what makes you rich'. Interests over gains. Silly, luxurious thinking that many people cannot afford to live by, for it will milk them dry of funds. Also, I missed my sister's last night at home before her departure to NS to attend Jac's birthday, which pissed my mom off a bit, in hindsight. I have to say though, I think I've been a good enough brother lately to be bringing her everywhere, sorting her college & scholarship applications and choices etc etc plus taking her out + buying her breakfasts/lunches/dinners. So I don't feel so guilty over missing her final day at home, only I feel a bit guilty that I wasn't there to help her out when my dad almost gave her that ultimatum away from her dream job.
Friends are like painkillers; morphine. They make you forget what stress or pain that you really have inside, though it never really vanishes sometimes, just like how painkillers work. It masks and numbs the pain until later on, when the effects of the painkillers wear off, when the party's over, it all comes back down on you, and sometimes you kinda forget where all that stress and weight came from, like how I am now. I feel tired in the head, but of what?
I feel so weighed down by some invisible
I'm going in circles today, sorry
*Jac's birthday write up next
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